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 Disorder in the American Courts

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56K Natas
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Number of posts : 2232
Age : 42
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Registration date : 2006-09-24

PostSubject: Disorder in the American Courts   Tue May 04 2010, 18:59

These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes . ;
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?


ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
____________________________ ______ _________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

___________________________________ ______ ___

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male.
_____ ________________________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.


ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WIT NESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?

And the best for last:

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

One Depressed Carper............
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Tackle Tart

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Age : 35
Registration date : 2008-03-15

PostSubject: Re: Disorder in the American Courts   Wed May 05 2010, 02:18

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Paul C.
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Number of posts : 1253
Localisation : Cork
Registration date : 2006-09-24

PostSubject: Re: Disorder in the American Courts   Wed May 05 2010, 05:43

LMAO Brilliant.

"82% of Corkonians believe they are the chosen ones while 18% believe they are the ones who'll do the choosing".
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popped up
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PostSubject: Re: Disorder in the American Courts   Wed May 05 2010, 13:03

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I live to fish

Number of posts : 713
Age : 41
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PostSubject: Re: Disorder in the American Courts   Wed May 05 2010, 13:56

amazing these Americans don't forget how to breath...what a dump race
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PostSubject: Re: Disorder in the American Courts   Wed May 05 2010, 15:33

sure lads ,its the land of freedom do and say what you like , its all part of the american dream right ? well we dont have that over here because were AWAKE!!! ( absolutely priceless, brilliant !)
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little oik
I post a bit

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Registration date : 2010-03-30

PostSubject: Re: Disorder in the American Courts   Thu May 06 2010, 12:53

and to think they are allowed to carry guns
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Disorder in the American Courts
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